Not the news we were expecting

My head is so clouded right now.

It’s been a frustrating day as it is. Woke up early and got the sprinkler set up. I’m trying my best to not kill all of the flowers and trees in the yard. I had a hard time attaching the sprinkler to the hose. Couldn’t get it to screw on properly. Finally after trying and trying, I finally got it on and was able to start watering the front yard.

Of course if I’m watering, there is no water pressure whatsoever in the house. So I had to wait to take a shower or do laundry. When it was finally time to take the kids to swimming, I had only gotten just 1/2 of the front yard watered. Have to finish that up tomorrow.

We have a big detour on the way to swimming and it seemed like everyone in Michigan was on that detour. Frustrating to say the least, but at least it’s a beautiful day. I dropped them off at swimming, then had the big idea that I’d run back in town and do some grocery shopping. What the heck was I thinking? Of course I was 10 minutes late picking up the kids. They were okay with it.

On the way home, he who shall not be named called me on my cell. That’s very rare – especially on a Monday. Given his profession, Mondays are the busiest day of the week, so he rarely has time to call. He also said he was home and wanted me to come home right away. He then had to go.

Panic came over me because I knew what that meant. He was home, so he cancelled out the rest of his day. He had my MRI results, which we initially thought were okay. I started to hyperventilate, then called my sister to have her calm me down. Little did I know she was on the phone with he who shall not be named who had asked her to come up here to help us out.

Got home after an incredibly long and slow drive and talked with he who shall not be named about my scan. I have three spots – two of them were missed by the radiologist who read the last scan in November. I don’t know what to think other than I’m scared. He who shall not be named said that this doesn’t mean it’s MS. I’m dumbfounded.

Here’s part of what the report says:

1. Chiari malformation. (I don’t know what that means).
2. Small number of benign appearing white matter hyperintensities which I believe (the doc, not Michelle) were probably present on the previous study when one takes into account the additional views obtained in the sagittal plane on this study which better demonstrate these lesions which were almost impossible to demonstrate on the previous study. These are nonspecific. These could be due to an inflammatory process, previous infection, previous trama or even demyelinating process. These do not meet the published imaging criteria to make a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis.

Michelle again here. So I have these spots and we don’t know what they are. The neuro-opthamologist will take a look at things on Wednesday. My neuro (we’ll call him C-Bus – he’s a friend of the family) wants to put me on anti-MS drugs. We’re all for that, other than the cost. We’ll have to re-evaluate our health insurance as the drugs will be $2000 a month. I guess they are shots every 48 hrs.

I want to tell my parents, but I don’t want them to worry. I asked my sister not to tell anyone. I don’t want people all worried about me. I may go up to the church and ask Fr. J to annoint me. He wanted to do it yesterday, but I didn’t want to call attention to myself. I’m so scared over this right now.

Yesterday the deacon’s homily at church was about prayer and how God hears our prayers. He mentioned MS. I felt he was talking with me. But I need to stop jumping the gun and realize that I haven’t been diagnosed with MS. Yet.

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