What Is This Thing? My Plans for the Evening…

What is this thing?

I’m sitting here staring at this long, black rectangular thing. It has circular and square buttons on it and if I point it at that box over there, it makes the box illuminate and entertain me for a while.

I think it’s called a “remote control” or as my DS calls it…”the mote.”

I don’t see this thing often. You see, I don’t carry the y chromosome, therefore, I may not touch it. It’s a taboo subject here, so I avoid the thing at all costs. It’s a point of fact in this house – only the alpha male may touch the remote. If I don’t want heck to pay, I know and keep my place – don’t touch the remote control. In fact, I think it may have been written into our vows:

Priest: “Do you take ___ as your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish…do you promise to not touch the remote control, not get yourself in a tizzy if your husband flips the channels excessively or sigh when the show you’re watching gets changed to the hockey/football/basketball/fight/poker/golf/fishing tournament/baseball game/Tour d’ France/Olympics/ESPN Channel or just turned off because he doesn’t want to watch it until death do you part? “

Bride: “I do. I take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity not only to my husband, but to the Detroit Red Wings, the U of M Wolverines, the Detroit Pistons and any other sport my husband may be interested at the time. I also promise to keep my children from attending Ohio State or Notre Dame no matter how good of a scholarship they may receive. Ohio State is of the Devil. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.”


Back to the remote control – it’s mine to use now. DH is gone fishing in a tournament which leaves me and the kids with the remote. Oh, what to do….what to DO? Do I dare change the channel? Do I dare watch the news? How about the History Channel (my fave) or even better – the Discovery Channel? Do I go and rent a sappy girl movie for me to enjoy with a bucket of corn, The Real Thing and a box of tissues?


I’m watching the hockey game tonight. Go Wings.

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3 Responses to What Is This Thing? My Plans for the Evening…

  1. CloverGirl says:

    Yeah, go Wings!!!! I’ll be watching with you, Michelle!!

  2. Emmy says:

    Bwahaha! This is the funniest thing I’ve read tonight!I just counted 5 remotes on the couch here with me tonight.Luckily, he’s in the man cave watching the game so I have control of 5 remotes. 2 of which I think I can operate.

  3. Michelle says:

    Watch out Diane – you better get a prenup on the TV time. đŸ™‚

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