This morning I woke up exhausted. Even though I had plenty of sleep, I woke up just beat. It’s Sunday morning though, and I will not miss church. So, I got up, got myself and the kids ready and we headed on off to church.
On the way there, I thought about turning around and going home, but no – I am NOT missing church, so I found a place to park and took the kids in to find a place to sit.
Because I’m on immune suppressants, I try my best to sit up near the front of the church. I do this for two reasons – 1. I’m not surrounded by people and 2. I want to receive from the cup – the less people who receive from the cup in front of me, the better.
The kids and I found a place to sit and then BAM – exhaustion hit. I can’t even really call it exhaustion – it’s more of an extreme weakness. My arms go limp, my legs go limp and then I even feel it in my lips, my tongue, my jaw. It’s a feeling that’s so hard to describe, but it’s pure exhaustion and weakness.
So, instead of listening to Fr. Sylvestre’s homily, instead I am pep-talking myself into making it “just one hour.” At the end of his homily, I decided it was time to go home. I ushered the kids out of church and needed my daughter’s assistance to get to the car. God love that girl – she gave me a big hug, told me she loved me and helped me to the car.
Of course, people I knew were sitting all around us and I’m embarrassed. I don’t want people worrying about me. I don’t want any attention over this stupid disease. I don’t want my daughter to have to support me because I’m too weak to make it to the car myself. It’s not fair to my kids to have a parent they can’t rely upon.
I truly hate NMO right now. My dog needs to be walked (he’s hyper as can be) and I’m too exhausted to take him out now. Poor dog.
It’s a beautiful September day where I should be out and about with my kids celebrating life, celebrating this beautiful country of ours, celebrating those people who lost their lives this day 10 years ago. Instead, I am going to take a nap – not because I want to, but because my body can’t physically stay awake, because my body is so weak I can barely keep my head up, because my hands and feet are so swollen because of who knows why and because I have this crappy disease that has no cure but attacks with a vengeance.
I really hate NMO.