I may look awful, but I’m feeling pretty darn good…
Or, as I should properly say it, “I’m feeling well.” I can’t help myself…
So I saw someone the other day that I haven’t seen in a while. She’s the kindest soul ever and I know she meant nothing by what she said, but she was shocked when she saw me and just blurted out – “God, you look awful!” You see, I’ve gained a ton of weight in the last few months, and I was no slim sally to begin with, so the weight gain is pretty severe and mostly in my face. (Okay, it’s not mostly in my face. A ton of it is in my butt too, but for this post, we are going to talk about my face). I have what sickies like me call “moon face” in which steroids taken makes one’s face round like the moon.
When I first heard the term, I thought it was something a friend of mine who is also sick made up, but then after talking with my sister, we both realized that it is a true medical term. Hey, it’s even on Wikipedia:
Moon face, or moon facies, is a medical sign where the face swells up into a rounded shape. It is often associated with Cushing’s syndrome or steroid treatment (especially corticosteroids), which has led to it being known as Cushingoid facies (“Cushings-like face”) or steroid facies respectively.
So, I have moon face due to the prednisone I’m on and to be honest, it’s embarrassing. I’ve been told that once I’m off of the steroid, the moon face will start to go away, but geez – I can’t wait that long! Who wants to look like the moon?
Prednisone makes me VERY hungry. I am hungry for things I don’t really like and ALL of it is bad for me. Things I don’t normally eat or buy, I am CRAVING to the point where it’s like a drug and once I have some (or the whole bag), I get some relief. It’s so hard to describe, but those friends who have been on steroids for prolonged periods of time know exactly what I am talking about. It’s a hunger that can’t be filled and it’s incredibly frustrating.
I believe I mentioned a few posts ago that I recently graduated from physical therapy. I’ve moved on to working on my muscles at the gym now. Thankfully, the gym is a part of the hospital system here in town, so the trainers there are very familiar with the physical therapies that the hospital uses. The exercises that I’m doing are a little harder than what I was doing at physical therapy and it’s a nice continuation of the work my physical trainers had started.
Unfortunately, with all of this weight gain, I have no clothes to work-out in, so today I headed to the local store to find a couple of cheap shorts and shirts to wear to the gym. I have found that I no longer fit in regular sizes. I’m now in the “plus” size. I’ve NEVER been a plus size – not even when I was pregnant was I a plus size. Fortunately, the men’s department had some shorts that fit me, so I was able to score some there as there were no plus sized shorts that fit me (thankfully, they were all too big and they didn’t have my size).
Now, pre-sickness, if I gained weight, I would immediately sit down, write up a plan and get to work. “I’m going to only eat 1200 calories a day, walk/jog three times a week and do that workout video – the one with Janet Jones Gretzky and that horrible 80s music – three times a week. Then I’ll weigh in on every Friday and make my sister hold me accountable.”
You know what? I’d actually do it. It would last until I lost a little bit of weight and then I’d go into maintain mode because all of my pants would fit again and I’d get lazy.
But this is different. I’m sick this time and now my focus needs to be not on the weight I need to lose, but the muscles I need to strengthen, the food I need to eat to fuel my body properly and the rest I need to re-energize myself for the next day. I can’t concentrate on losing weight quickly right now. I have to concentrate on making myself stronger, not only for myself, but for my husband and my kids. I’m not going to put myself on a restrictive diet this time. Why? Because I need to give myself a break. I’m sick and the prednisone is temporary. Once I’m off of it, the weight will come off, but golly – I hate to look in the mirror now and see that Moon Face smiling back at me…
It’s temporary Michelle….it’s temporary….