I Need to Vent

I believe that there are two ways to handle a bad situation when one arises. You can either complain and do nothing about it, or take it as it and just deal with it. Normally, we as a family do our best to just deal with it. We always use humor when dealing with a crummy situation. It makes life so much easier.

We’re trying to instill this in our kids, so when something bad happens (most of the time it’s something that they perceive as bad, but it’s really minor), we acknowledge the crumminess of it with humor. Within a few minutes, we’re all back to normal and everyone’s smiling again.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, (don’t you have anything better to do?) you know that I have had some serious health issues over the last couple of years. You also know that I am 100% blind in my right eye and you should know that we do our best here to handle this crappiness with humor and through the strength that God has given me.

Today I’m going to vent, so throw that all out the window for now. Just for now. Tomorrow I’ll be back to being myself. Hey, by the end of writing this post I’ll probably be back to my silly self, but for right now, this instant, toss it out the window, okay?

Please note that I’m only venting and I’m not asking for sympathy or hugs or anything like that. No advice needed. I just need to let off steam. After this vent, I’m probably going to go for a run because the adrenaline level here is HIGH and I need to get this out of my system. Either that or I’ll go get a donut from the gas station. So here goes…

I’m tired of being blind. I’m tired of that side of my face hurting because I didn’t judge distance properly and hit my head or face. I’m tired of not having any idea that my child is standing right next to me because I can’t see him. I’m tired of my left eye hurting from the strain. I’m tired of not knowing what the heck is going on other than an “inflamed” optic nerve. I’m tired of MRIs and blood draws.

I’m tired of people who have no idea of what they are talking about telling me that I should not be driving or that I need to take care of myself better or that I shouldn’t be volunteering at school because it’s too stressful. They are clueless and do nothing but annoy me. I’m tired of people who think that because their mom’s aunt’s best friend’s daughter’s roommate’s mailman had an eye infection one time that they are an expert in medicine and feel they have the right to give me advice.

I’m tired of waking up disappointed after having a dream that I could see again. I have this dream several times a week and it crushes me.

I’m tired of all of the pirate jokes that I normally start. It’s all me, I know. My throat hurts from all of the pirate talk around here and I can’t find my eye patch anyway. (No, I don’t need an eye patch – it’s all for fun).

I’m tired of being told to be positive when I start to whine about my eye. Just let me whine a bit. I’m normally very positive about this so when I do a two-minute whine every 6 months, give me a break and just let me whine. I normally turn myself around in a few minutes anyway, so let it go. Go grab a cup of coffee and let me vent.

I’m also tired of those people who think I’m dying from some rare disease and want me to go RIGHT NOW to Mayo clinic and have every specialist examine me. Um…I’ve done that. Yeah, it wasn’t Mayo, but it was the best clinic here in Michigan. I trust my doctors. You don’t have a medical degree. They have several. Give us both a break and go panic about global warming or the apocalypse or Brittany Spears.

On the other hand, I really appreciate those people who have given me true good advice because of their personal experience. Thank you so much for that. Your wisdom is very appreciated.

I don’t want pity. No need to go on and on about how horrible this has to be. I’m dealing with it just fine with the exception of my every now and then vent.

I also don’t want you to tell me to suck it up and deal with it. I hear that all of the time from myself. I don’t need to hear it from you too.

And please, when you find out that I’m blind in my right eye, please don’t stare at me to “see” which eye isn’t working. You can trust me – I’m blind in one eye. Also, please don’t “test” me to make sure I’m not faking (yes, people have done this!). I guarantee you that I’m blind in that eye. You don’t need to prove it to yourself. When looking at me, you don’t need to point out that my eyes are different colors. I’ve known that my whole life. Yes, I know one eye is green and the other is green and brown. No, the colors have nothing to do with my eyesight failing. Yes the eye is healthy. No I don’t have a brain tumor. No I’m not terrified. Yes, I rely on my faith. Yes my faith in Christ is strong and you’re right, that’s probably why I have handled this all so well.

I don’t need help up or down the stairs, but if you want to hold a door open for me, I truly appreciate that.

I don’t catch things thrown to me. It’s not because my eye is bad. I don’t catch things because I’ve never been good at catching things. I’m not handicapped in any way other than I can’t see with my right eye, so don’t do things easy for me because I can’t see. I’ll catch up with you and I don’t want to be treated differently because you know I have this problem. If I never told you, you’d have no idea. I don’t look any differently from anyone else, so treat me like you would everyone else.

You don’t need to whisper about my eye. In fact, you can rip on me. If you’re a good friend, you know this already. You can call me one-eyed Jack. You can talk like a pirate with me. You can scream “My EYE” and I’ll do it with you. Go ahead and tease me about my eye – seriously, I can take it and I’ll dish it back to you. No need to be all hush hush about it. I know I’m blind, so if you state the obvious, I’m okay with that. It’s really funny to watch me scrapbook. You can laugh with me about it. No eggshells here. Give us both a break and lighten up.

Today is a Sunday. The kids and the hubby are playing Guitar Hero. I’m going to go out and get myself a donut (mmmm dough nuts….), go for a walk, and appreciate all that God has given me. I’ve got a wonderful husband who has never tried to change me (and has the best sense of humor as well), three great kids who are the joy of my life, a comfortable life, great friends and an awesome God who takes care of me.

After the walk, I’ll come home, do some laundry and scrub the bathroom. We’ll have fajitas for dinner tonight and then head on over to Mass. It’ll be a nice day.

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better now. See you in six months for another vent.